In Brazil, about halfway through our mission trip, Dan asked me to write down dreams that I had for our marriage, our family, and our ministry for the next 5 years. For me, this was a challenge. I love remembering and reflecting, and Dan loves dreaming! I think this is one reason God put us together: because we are so opposite in many areas resulting in us learning and growing from each other.
Dan shared that He has been dreaming with God, had been writing his dreams down, and wanted me included in the process.
As I had time, I began thinking and asking God to show me dreams that were dormant inside of me. A few came out quickly, and then I stopped. As I thought of life dreams, I could not see any possible way any could happen in the near future. Thus, I immediately shut them down in myself and did not write them down. What was the point of voicing my heart and dreams when I would only be hurt in the end by it not happening? For example, I absolutely love living internationally! I love other countries, the struggle to communicate while in them, the newest of a different culture, and then trying to learn from my experiences in that country. Honestly, I thrive when I am out of America. However, after living in Costa Rica for two years, Dan realized that there are many reasons why living internationally is hard for him. Why would I mention my heart to live in a different country again when I already knew that Dan has a desire to live in the United States. Through this process of dismissing all my dreams due to my own reasoning, I came back for our discussion two days later with no dreams.
That day, Dan was eager to share and when he asked if I was ready, I communicated that I did not have anything. He gave me a confused look and asked why not. I shared that I started well but then could not think of any way that my dreams could become a reality; out of that place, I got stuck. He responded so gently, caring for my heart, saying "I do not want you to figure out how your dreams will work out, and I am not and can not promise they can. However, as we pray about the future, I need to know what is inside of your heart so we can move together as a couple and family. I want to know things that you are passionate about, and I want to share mine with you." I responded, "Some things you might not like, might not agree with, or will be surprised by." He said "That is fine, I am eager to know!"
I agreed to not plan out how everything would work out inside my head and just write down what was inside my heart. Then the dreams came! The next day, we were able to share openly the things that were on his heart and on my heart. Dan shared his first and a few surprised me! He wrote down he would like to live internationally again but had some requirements; like the country had to have English as a main language. He also shared how this last season he missed working together in ministry and would really like to see me back working and serving with him in ministry. Being more involved in ministry again was on my list, too! However, I did not think that Dan thought that way. Having Dan sharing first, made it easy for me to share. It felt so good to share my heart and be open and honest.
(Here we are, in front of the cabin we spent, three days (two nights) alone as a couple, praying and sharing our dreams. Thank you Patty and Rick McClelland and the Stevenson's for making this happen!)
(Olive loves kissing her baby brother)
Since this time, we have taken multiple opportunities to pray and continue to talk through dreams we have. In addition, I have been able to share openly and honestly with others about dreams or things inside my heart where I have hidden them. It feels so good! I am ok that I do not know if all the things I voiced will come true, when they will come true, or how they will come to be. For example, I am pregnant thus being a full partner in ministry is not a reality right now as I will have a newborn by the time the next DTS starts this Fall. However, sharing that it is my heart's desire to be involved has made all the difference. For instance, Dan has intentionally made time for me during this spring season to be involved, and we have planned certain activities in the evening after Olive's bedtime so I can be involved.
(We absolutely love our weekly date night, but even more so recently as we have been boldly honest in sharing with each other! Here, Dan took me out to National Harbor and rode the Ferris Wheel for my 35th birthday. I am so loved!)
It is a joy to have a husband who loves me and cares about my heart. It has strengthened our marriage as we have continued to share openly about things inside our heart! I know that God feels the same way. He wants to know our dreams for He was the one who placed them there.
