Something happened everyday during our first week in Jamaica that, during this transition, I would call a trial. Yet, what an amazing God we serve that would meet me in my quiet time, morning after morning, preparing me for the day by giving me a word I could hold onto and sustain me through the day.
When all kinds of trials and temptations crowd into your lives, my brothers, don’t resent them as intruders but welcome them as friends. James 1:2 Phillips Translation
One of the encouraging words was from a devotional in Elisabeth Elliot’s book, Keep a Quiet Heart. In that devotional, she shared about welcoming intrusions in our life as friends. I held onto her words to sustain me during the first week, and they now have become one of my daily prayers.
Over and over that week and every week since, God has been teaching me how to welcome each trial as a friend instead of an intruder. For example, that first week, we had a day where we did not have running water. I could have decided to wait, letting the dishes pile up, and then washed them whenever the water came on again. However, I decided to embrace the trial as a friend and say, "I welcome you into my life today". Sitting down with a trial as a friend means learning a lesson from the trial rather than ignoring it or avoiding the trial bitterly until it is over. So, I decided to embrace the experience of washing dishes without running water by preemptively filling big bowls of water for rinsing, washing, and rinsing again. I also chose being thankful for the staff who had filled up a bunch of larger water bottles for us just in case the water went out. We actually had enough to share!
During that first week, God gently led me to choose to hold Olive and Valor closely and to allow extra snuggles when they normally should have been expected to be in bed. God reminded me that they were adjusting to new schedule and bedtime routines. And at first, during the night, when being awakened for accidents, after months of Olive not having one, or for Valor being sick in the night, I did not always choose joy right away. However, God reminded me these intrusions were my friends and helped me correct how I was approaching the situation. By doing this, my new attitude helped me see the beauty of Olive's silly talk when she was super-tired or Valor signing “lizard” for the first time when we went outside to help him calm down after throwing up.
(Late night with Valor)
Then when the electricity went out, and Olive did not have a nightlight for bed, my flesh wanted to say, "This is Mommy’s time or you are fine without one," especially after the hard day we had. Instead, God gave me the idea of welcoming this intruder as a friend by having a glow-stick party celebration. When it was done, I allowed Olive to use the glow sticks as her special night light that night.
Trying to gain a Godly perspective on these “intruders”, I found another nugget of wisdom from Elisabeth Elliot. She wrote not to rush back to whatever task you were doing or had planned when life's intrusions come, but instead to trust that God will provide time for that task another day. It meant I needed to keep a quiet heart; a calm assurance that my Father is in control.
When we let God shift our focus, we can see beyond the trial to the provision He has given in that trial. It has been a daily choice, but through it, God has been developing character in me and joy in harder circumstances. I feel the growing pains and am experiencing walking in the "new shoes" of choosing joy in all circumstances! He is refining me and that feels good.
However, I want to be honest and admit there have been hard moments. Let's take day 10 in Jamaica, for instance. A bunch of things piled up to make it a harder day. I was doing too much. I underestimated the time, energy, and skill needed to hang laundry on a line to dry with two children. Valor had a near fall over a concrete edge, and Olive was frustrated she could not help more. After a morning of trying to hold myself together, and welcome “these intruders as friends”, I texted a good friend in the states for support. Her words gave me the strength and encouragement I needed to welcome the "intruder of the day". Instead of crashing emotionally, I chose to be silly with Olive and Valor by dancing with laundry on our heads. However, later in the day, I gave in to feelings I had been fighting all day (and really all week) and broke down and cried. A deep, sad kind of cry. Twice. Once, hugging my husband during our kiddos naps/quiet times and then alone on our bed meeting with Jesus. (My amazing husband took care of the kids to give me a little extra Jesus time.) As I poured out my heart to Jesus with tears, He softly spoke in my spirit, “You are grieving. It is okay; it is part of the process. I am proud of you for facing it.”"
There are so many things I have grieved in the last weeks. I have grieved for friends and for play dates for Olive as we are the only family on the YWAM base. I have grieved the freedom to choose our own lunch time and a constant sleeping schedule for Valor. I have grieved for my community that knows my story and for being “known”. I have also grieved for not having Deaf staff with us here as we pioneer. Finally, I have grieved for stability and just being in a place of familiarity for me.
In the midst of grieving and transitions, I am learning the secret. In the words of Elisabeth Elliot, “The secret is Christ in me, not me in a different set of circumstances.” And this is what I am declaring today, remembering when Jesus said it is okay to grieve. I am declaring that I want Him more than anything. In my daily trials or my grieving times, I do not desire different circumstances, but in the midst of where He has placed me, that Christ will be revealed, and I may know him better.
I began this blog on the day of “grieving”. Looking back now, two months later, I can say I have seen God’s faithful hand leading us through every hour, day, and week. I know there may still be trials and times still of grieving the familiar, but I am so grateful for the lessons we have learned as individuals and a family in missions in Jamaica.
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