So I know I shared about the victory (YAY) but I want to go back and share a little more about the struggle and battle to the victory, where God was teaching me how to fight so that I could overcome and stand firm in the victory!
RECAP:
God speaking it is ok to rest and then making it up the hill. Deciding to seek Him through the battle! Then God revealing scripture and calling me to base my identity on his Word instead of my experience and beginning to speak out declarations to my mind, spirit and body based on His truth producing FAITH in me. And then God opening my eyes to the way He had completely planned me and my environment and circumstances for me to overcome the battle in my body. The next step was learning how to fight!
I wish I could share with you that after I decided to believe God's Word and make declarations that it was as easy as 1, 2, 3 and bam VICTORY! But honesty it was not. It was hard learning how to fight. It felt like a roller coaster, up and down, good days and hard days. Days of victory and times of falling. I felt like a baby beginning to walk. Taking one step and then falling and having to get up again for another try. As I making declarations based on God's Word, I was faced with all the lies I believed that were in complete conflict with his truth. I had to demolish arguments and every pretension that set itself up against the knowledge of God and take captive every thought and making it obedient to Christ (2 Cor 10: 5). And it was a lot of fighting. I had to decide to face the lies that were not planted by my heavenly Father and allow Him to pull up every one by the roots (Matthew 15:13).
For example one of the lies I believed was that it was not fair for me to have to follow such a strict diet when other people could eat whatever they wanted. I felt restricted and limited like I was in chains or jail when others seemed to be running free and have so much freedom. This lie started to really effect the way I viewed and interacted with other people. I actually would get angry with others for being able to eat a chili or a cookie and start to build bitterness and resentment in my heart toward people and towards God for forcing me to be on the diet. And it was even harder as it was during Community Dinners, where our staff and community would get together for a meal of fellowship. The team would make a great taco bar, order out or go out to a restaurant and I would have my celery and cucumbers (oh goodie).
One day at the end of the month of September, so about a month or so from seeing the specialist, there was a community dinner. As we pulled up to our base, I told Dan and Kimberlee to go in and that I needed to stay in the car and meet with Jesus for a bit before going in. I sat in the van and put a demand on my faith. I told God, I need to hear your voice before I go in. I need something to be able to stand on firmly as I go in and see everyone eating something but me. I need to hear your voice, speak to me!
I sat and waited. Waited with expectation of God speaking. After some time, the verse in Acts "you have made known to me the path of life" came to mind. I found the verse but saw a cross reference in Psm 16. So I turned to Psms and read the chapter and verses 5-6 jumped off the page into my heart.
Lord, you have assigned me my portion and my cup,
you have made my lost secure.
The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
surely I have a delightful inheritance.
I reflected on it and revelation came. God had clearly assigned me what to eat and how much to eat (my portion and my cup). And the diet that I was given by God (boundary lines fallen) were in PLEASANT places. It was the path of life for me and my body! For my body a taco or a cookie was death, not life. For others maybe it was life but for me it was death. I was not in prison. I was not restricted. I could choose to eat a taco from the taco bar or a cookie. But God made know the path of life for me and it was a place of LIFE and FREEDOM for me. And it was my decision to CHOOSE to LIFE. To choose to walk in the path that God has clearly laid out for me.
In my heart, I felt a God give me a promise, as you choose to walk in the path of life and choose to stay in the boundary lines I have given you, you will experience true FREEDOM and LIFE (delightful inheritance). Your heart will be glad, your tongue will rejoice and you body will rest secure (v. 9). This was the rock that I needed to be able to stand. I entered the community dinner and was able to eat my veggies, repeating the verses and promises God had just spoken.
This past Sunday, YWAM DC had our first community dinner coming back from Christmas break. There was no question or struggle about what I would do. I brought my meal of LIFE. My heart was glad as I cooked my brown rice pasta and tomato sauce. Today my tongue (fingers) are rejoicing as I share this blog and my body was at rest and secure on Sunday as I was walking out the path of LIFE that God has laid out for me.
I was planning on writing this blog a couple days ago right after our first community dinner to testify of the victory and to share that I am now walking with ease. However every time I planned to write it something else would happen or come up. I love the plan of God.
After dinner at a friends house, I arrived home and snacked on almost everything I had in my cabinet after just having dinner! I hear God's gentle voice . . . you have a choice . . . choose life . . . choose portions in my boundaries. But I continued to eat. I choose to ignore the prompting of the Holy Spirit and continue to clog my digestive system into overload. Finally, I called Dan for accountability (I needed to tell someone to tell me to stop!). He told me to go up to our room, take the way out of the temptation that God was providing. I took the way out and I went up to my room. However, I went with saddness and disappoinment in myself for falling after walking for so long.
As I woke up this morning to pray and process with God, I felt his voice write that blog. Choose to remember the rock I gave you and stand on the truth of my Word and choose to base your identity on that instead of what you are feeling or the choice you made last night. Choose to take your thoughts captive and allow me to align them with my Word. Choose to get up and start walking again and as you do I will continue to hone in your fighting skills, so you will have peace in your promised land.
Last night I fell again.
After learning how to walk and getting comfortable (and prideful) with walking, I fell.
And with a fall, God was giving me another choice . . . a choice to based my identity on God's Word about who I was or use experience to empower a negative identity.
After dinner at a friends house, I arrived home and snacked on almost everything I had in my cabinet after just having dinner! I hear God's gentle voice . . . you have a choice . . . choose life . . . choose portions in my boundaries. But I continued to eat. I choose to ignore the prompting of the Holy Spirit and continue to clog my digestive system into overload. Finally, I called Dan for accountability (I needed to tell someone to tell me to stop!). He told me to go up to our room, take the way out of the temptation that God was providing. I took the way out and I went up to my room. However, I went with saddness and disappoinment in myself for falling after walking for so long.
As I woke up this morning to pray and process with God, I felt his voice write that blog. Choose to remember the rock I gave you and stand on the truth of my Word and choose to base your identity on that instead of what you are feeling or the choice you made last night. Choose to take your thoughts captive and allow me to align them with my Word. Choose to get up and start walking again and as you do I will continue to hone in your fighting skills, so you will have peace in your promised land.
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